Story
The
The
of
Hello friends and/or enemies who have come here to research our weaknesses. This is Zeke Delfour, the host of Squatch Smashers here to explain with no ambiguity about things. Also stuff.
One of the first things people say when I tell them I have a podcast called Squatch Smashers is "Are my fries ready or not?"
Another thing they say is "What is Squatch Smashers?" and I am glad they do because their fries are usually NOT ready and I need to stall for time for Randy the fry-cook to finish one of his way too numerous to count, cannabis vape breaks. So I will tell you what I tell them.
What is Squatch Smashers? (I often scoff out loud at this point to emphasize that they should feel like an ignorant fool for not knowing this already.)
Well, the name says it all. Squatch Smashers.
Webster's Dictionary defines
"Squatch" as
"The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above."
"Smash" as:
1: to break or crush by violence
2a: to drive or throw violently especially with a shattering or battering effect also : to effect in this way
b: to hit violently : BATTER
c(1): to hit (something, such as a tennis ball) with a hard overhand stroke
(2): to drive (a ball) with a forceful stroke
3: to destroy utterly : WRECK"
and
"er" as:
"used to form the comparative degree of adjectives and adverbs of one syllable
hotter
drier"
And THAT is exactly what this show is about. Squatch Smashers.
Randy is not back at this point so I feel the need to continue even though I just explained everything as clear as day.
"Well, you see, I have a T-shirt kiosk in the Dunglewood Mall which is also my headquarters for my Bigfoot / Paranormal investigation company. I do a podcast out of that kiosk to promote my Bigfoot / Paranormal investigation company. Everything I just mentioned is called "Squatch Smashers". Because I smash Squatches. As everyone knows, the only way to get rid of a Sasquatch is to bludgeon it over the head with a shovel. I guess you don't HAVE to use a shovel, but that is what I use so that means that it is the best way to go about it."
So that explains what Squatch Smashers is. A podcast, a t-shirt kiosk, and a Bigfoot / Paranormal investigation and pest control company.
One thing I know for sure is that is how things will always be and no changes will occur and there will be no need to update this explanation. I know for a fact that shady government forces do NOT run the mall. I know deep in my bones that I am NOT related to Sasquatches nor Super Soldiers and I know damn well that I am not part Vampire either. I'm not sure why I felt compelled to include those things. I also feel the need to make a vow. A vow that I will never ever have to flee the mall with a ragtag bunch of misfits into some sort of huge catacomb filled with cryptids. Ever.
Then I stop because Randy is back and those fries are under the heat lamp and Slashy the iguana who we let stay under that same heat lamp often tail whips orders of piping hot french fries all over the kitchen.
Zeke Delfour
from my part time job at Slashy's Iguana-Dawgs N' Fries
(the day before show launch)